Suzanne Fortier vandalizes downtown Concordia campus with eggs
After getting fired up last night from re-watching highlights of the National Championship-winning '87 Redmen football team, McGIll Principal Suzanne Fortier enlisted the help of some fellow top-administrators to "egg the shit" out of several buildings at Concordia University.
Fortier, apparently blasting Busty and the Bass's "Tryna Find Myself" on repeat in her car, was spotted outside the home of McGill Provost Anthony C. Masi, honking incessantly whilst screaming, "Get in, Tony, we're making an omelette!"
"I was just in the middle of putting my kids to bed when I heard Suzanne pull up. My initial plan was to turn out all the lights and pretend I was already asleep, but after ten minutes of non-stop honking, it became clear she's wasn't taking no for an answer," recounted Masi with a sigh. "So I put on my jacket, and grabbed a carton from the fridge."
After filling the car with a few more McGill administrators, the eager principal gunned it down Sherbrooke towards Concordia's downtown campus. Fortier, apparently unsure where Concordia was located, overshot the trip and ended up deep in Westmount, before noticing her error and turning the car around.
"Boss was driving very fast, and seemed to think the school was farther from McGill then it really is," said Fortier's Chief of Staff, Susan Aberman. "It's really just a few blocks from campus."
Minutes later, Fortier, equipped with hundreds of eggs in the trunk, parked the car a block down from the John Molson School of Business and grabbed two handfuls of organic Macdonald campus eggs, before letting loose on McGill's long-time rival.
According to eye-witnesses, Fortier repeatedly cried out, "I wouldn't wipe my ass with a Concordia degree" as she hurled the eggs against the building's exterior, while her coworkers timidly threw alongside her.
Earlier this morning, Concordia's janitorial staff reported that the Principal's unexpected act of vandalism wasn't anything to scoff at.
"We were honestly impressed by some of the higher windows Fortier managed to hit," remarked Concordia caretaker Tysen Potter. "I never woulda guessed it, but the lady's really got an arm."
Fortier, apparently blasting Busty and the Bass's "Tryna Find Myself" on repeat in her car, was spotted outside the home of McGill Provost Anthony C. Masi, honking incessantly whilst screaming, "Get in, Tony, we're making an omelette!"
"I was just in the middle of putting my kids to bed when I heard Suzanne pull up. My initial plan was to turn out all the lights and pretend I was already asleep, but after ten minutes of non-stop honking, it became clear she's wasn't taking no for an answer," recounted Masi with a sigh. "So I put on my jacket, and grabbed a carton from the fridge."
After filling the car with a few more McGill administrators, the eager principal gunned it down Sherbrooke towards Concordia's downtown campus. Fortier, apparently unsure where Concordia was located, overshot the trip and ended up deep in Westmount, before noticing her error and turning the car around.
"Boss was driving very fast, and seemed to think the school was farther from McGill then it really is," said Fortier's Chief of Staff, Susan Aberman. "It's really just a few blocks from campus."
Minutes later, Fortier, equipped with hundreds of eggs in the trunk, parked the car a block down from the John Molson School of Business and grabbed two handfuls of organic Macdonald campus eggs, before letting loose on McGill's long-time rival.
According to eye-witnesses, Fortier repeatedly cried out, "I wouldn't wipe my ass with a Concordia degree" as she hurled the eggs against the building's exterior, while her coworkers timidly threw alongside her.
Earlier this morning, Concordia's janitorial staff reported that the Principal's unexpected act of vandalism wasn't anything to scoff at.
"We were honestly impressed by some of the higher windows Fortier managed to hit," remarked Concordia caretaker Tysen Potter. "I never woulda guessed it, but the lady's really got an arm."